The Exam

The wounded Shiloh walks past the seated people’s waiting room in the ER. The nurse’s aide is so busy typing away and processing sheets she doesn’t even notice that Shiloh appeared at the counter of her nurse’s station. Her typing was rhythmatic, like she’d fills out the sheets so many times before that she didn’t even need any practice and made no mistakes.

Are you going to help me or are you going to continue to pretend you don’t know I am standing here, Shiloh thought but never said. Instead she cleared her throat and spoke softly “I need to see a doctor”… the nurse didn’t seem startled which confirmed Shiloh’s first thought that the woman knew she was there all along. The nurse raised one hand from the keyboard, never looking away from her computer screen, and pointed with her now free hand towards the clipboard and papers and said “You need to fill out and entrance form and someone will be with you shortly”. Shiloh lowered her eyes, walked over to the clipboard and turned around. Seeing the looks of shock, confusion and disgust from some of the guests, coupled with the minstrel type aches beaconing from her rear end, reminded her that she was still bleeding. The thin trail that had led to the back of her leg had now grown into a thick sticky trail. She stood and never did take a seat as she filled out her paperwork. She left the address blank and made up a fake social security number as she was unsure of her own. Date of birth, she figured she’d better say she was at least 18 or they might ask for a parent to accompany her. Since her wicked foster father had abandoned her at the hospital to save his own ass, she was free to do as she pleased. The pain seemed to shoot from her ankle to her tailbone as she stood there. She left the medical history blank which later raised suspicion of the staff there later, as if they actually believed she was 18 years old anyway. The blood now seeping to her socks she could feel the puddle spread through the threads in a web pattern, she’d hope she could be seen by the doctor soon. Her mind drifted towards revenge on Perry and her other favorite pastime, thoughts of murdering the woman who birthed her.

“Denise Hill” the nurse scanned the ER for a familiar face, it seems she went to school with a Denise Hill and she was curious if this was the same one. Unsatisfied with any movement in the room, the nurse called out again “Denise Hill, the doctor will see you now”? Again she scanned the room looking for someone gathering their belongings to follow her through the heavy wooden door she had propped open with her left leg and her CROCs shoes. That’s when she saw a young lady standing by the wall; she seemed distracted, entertained by the small puddle that had now formed a semi-circle around the back of her shoe. The young lady was this and about 5’-8” tall for a woman. Her skin color was the shade of a perfectly made piece of toast. She had wiry hair that struggled to barely make a ponytail at the back of her head. Her hair was a reddish-brown color, the look of that which has been in the sun too much. Her big eyes lifted, and then quickly shifted away from the nurses as to not make total eye contact. Nurse Missy barely made out their almond shape and shade. Looking right at Shiloh, the nurse called out once more for Denise Hill, and the clumsy and startled Shiloh finally spoke “I’m... I’m here” and she moved slowly toward “Missy” as her badge read. Shiloh went to speak again, “Ah Miss…” she was interrupted, “The name is Melissa, but everyone calls me Nurse Missy”. Holding back more questions Shiloh spoke “Nurse Missy, I don’t have my ID on me, I accidently left it at home with my wallet”. “That’s alright honey, we can just bill you for the services to the address you provided us, but we can talk about that later”.

They started down the hallway decorated moderately with pale blue textured wallpaper and oak framed pictured of dully muted colored flowers. Nurse Missy asked, “Can you tell me what happened and why we will be seeing you today”? Nurse Missy was a bonafide DIVA, she was draped in gold jewelry that boasted her love for elephants and a necklace with her name written incursive. She was the shade of dark chocolate and her fine hair was jet black. Her nails were long and their tips were designed in Navy Blue and Gold accents to match her Nurses uniform. That paint also matched her toe-nails Shiloh was assured just by looking. Nurse Missy was strong and confident and it showed. A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart but something about her gave off that don’t cross me the wrong way or I will cut you kind of vibe. Snapped away from her obsession over her new friend, Shiloh repeated the story she concocted while in the waiting room. She was going to tell them that she had a cyst that busted, a story she’s overhear another patient telling the nurse at the counter. Shiloh didn’t know what a cyst was and where it was, but she saw the lady sitting down really slow and carefully so she assumed it to be the anal area.

She repeated the thought “I had a cyst burst and it’s pretty bad I’m bleeding a lot back there”. “Back where”? Missy asked with a, you better not be talking about where I think you’re talking about look on her face. Shiloh motioned over her shoulder, and still in disbelief Missy asked, “On your back”. Shiloh shook her head and then turned away. Nurse Missy took in some air and shook her head in the same manner and continued on with the usual questions. She weighed her, took her height and asked the date of her last period before returning to questions about the injury. “How long have you been bleeding”? She asked. And after trying to filter through the obvious lies Shiloh had tried to feed her she fell silent. The only thing speaking were her sympathetic eyes and the perfume she wore. It wrapped around Shiloh’s body, making her feel warm and even though she hadn’t been touched, she felt the hug that she so desperately needed. Uncomfortable with the silence in the room she looks back at Nurse Missy and sees that she is now fighting back tears.

“Your name isn’t Denise at all is it”? Nurse Missy whispered, “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me” she followed. More moments of silence were broken when she spoke again “Listen, there is no need for you to tell lies or be afraid, whoever hurt is the one in trouble, not you, you did nothing wrong”. Shiloh passed and exhaled an exhausting sigh of relief, face flushed and lids full of tears racing a maze searching for the exit sign, she struggled past the lump in her throat and said “Look, I’m not here for you sympathy okay, I am going to take care of the person that did this. Can you please just get me to a doctor? The sooner I leave here, the sooner I can put this all behind me. I ain’t never going back to that place so just forget about that”. Missy stood, still in her own haze of thoughts and wiped away at a stray tear on the loose down her cheek. She spoke, “Okay, I will get the doctor for you, but I’m telling you now he’ll have to examine the after area to search for torn tissue. Okay”? Shiloh nodded. The nurse stepped towards the door as if she was about to fetch the doctor and her paced slowed as it had hit her as to whom she was now standing in the room with. She rested her hand on the door knob, back till towards her under-aged and injured patient she said “Your name, I mean your real name, its Shiloh isn’t it”?

How could she… “How did you know my name, who are you, did they call and tell you, look I just want to see the d”… Shiloh stopped back tracking where she could have made a mistake that gave it away when Missy interrupted, “No chile, your eyes told me who you were. They’re the same eyes that came out the womb wide open and big and bright just like they are now… the day you were born”… she sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at the door she was still facing… “I’m the one who named you chile, after the hospital you were born in”. With her heart buried in her hand and her face to her chest she said, “I’ll go and get the doctor and bring him in. Get undressed from the waist down and cover yourself with the disposable blanket there”. She sniffed and pushed her way out the door, Shiloh figured that by now Missy was teary eyed mess like she was and neither of them could bear the other seeing them that way.

Upon her discharge, she was bandaged, given a few stitches to her scrotum and numbed with pain meds in the affected area. She was give pain meds for her injuries and the address was changed in the system to one she hadn’t recognized but pretended she had. She was also prompted to follow up with Detective Hines and Delphine Baldwin-Casey of the Victims of Crimes Unit and the battered women’s shelter. Even though she hadn’t admitted to the rape, it was obvious she’d been attacked and violently. So that was the remedy, stitches and vicotin and a cortisone shot and she was ready for dismissal. A new set of tears began to form in her lids as she read the letterhead on top of her discharge papers, somehow she’d missed it on her way in. Now she was filled with a new pain and it was accompanied by void and emptiness all over again, it read “Shiloh Medical Centre and Emergency Care”. She was now leaving the place she was born in. Suddenly she wanted Nurse Missy again as her thoughts were yanked back to the conversation they never got to finish earlier. She had tons of questions. She needed the nurse’s comfort and warmth, her confidence and strength. She balled up the discharge papers and left the hospital in haste.

As she approached the circular driveway, she sees Perry’s blue Cadillac DTS approaching and making its way up the circular ramp when she exited the ER doors. She hears the familiar squeal of the brake pads that need replacing. Outraged, she scans her surrounding for something to throw, something to protect herself, but she’d hoped for something big enough that she’d kill him. Feeling the strength of Nurse Missy arise in her spirit, coupled with the rage she now feels about what she’d learned about the day of her birth, she had gotten to her wicks end. Her heart starts to beat fast as she scans the landscape for something big enough to make some serious impact. Her heart starts to beat fast and she can already feel herself losing the strength she’d owned just minutes ago as anxiety begins to take over. The power in her legs weakens as she tries to pick up the pace, her leg muscles numb and not co-operating. She crossed directly in front of his car hoping he would hot her with it and take her out of her misery. Or at best he would miss her with the car, and give her a clear shot to his face. She bends down to pick up a rock from the landscaping and is confronted with the pain as she tries to stand. She hears his automatic window begin to roll down and she grips the rock harder with anticipation, only now the muscles in her arms lose all of their oxygen and not the rock feels like a paper weight. Anxiety’s wrath has joined the party of her arms that are now shaking and feel like they weight only ounces. Her trembling body drops the rock as she hears a friendly female voice call for her “Shiloh, I relieved myself from my shift for the day, I’m going to take you home”. She turns to see Missy shining and almost glowing in the midnight air. Her blue Cadillac was shining too. The license plate proudly spoke of her independence, “IGT MYOWN”. She spoke, “Besides, I feel like we got a few things we need to talk about”. Shiloh never responded or agreed; she just rushed towards the car and got in with the haste of a shop lifter. I think she feared that the next car might truly be Perry. When she got it, her contagious haste was impressed upon Missy and she pulled off in that same manner. As they drove away, Shiloh’s heart beat began to slow and the further they got away from the hospital, the closer it got to its normal pace. She felt, for the first time in her life, safe…

Concrete Roses by Candys M.E. Mayo

Title:

Concrete Roses by Candys M.E .Mayo

Introducing Shiloh Denise Hill

Preface

Shiloh is troubled. Whether it’s from her junkie mother, who left her at the hospital without even bothering to name her, or the foster homes she has been bounced around in over the years is all that we can guess these troubles are stemmed from. Shiloh is a 28 year old woman with a serious chip on her shoulder. Life has taken so much from her, and she is now ready to collect ten times fold.  In her search for happiness and personal gain she will stop at absolutely nothing to get what she wants; Even if that means murder. The one thing that is no argument is, she has even deemed herself as being “Unfixable”.  Shiloh got her name from the nurses, they decided to name her after the hospital she was left in, and Denise Hill was the name scribbled on the sign-in paperwork in the E.R. the day that she was born. No one ever even knew if it was a real name… Later times proved that it was.

Chapter 1

She almost never ate and she never ever sleeps at night, this comes from years of practice, frightened by the thought of being awakened by her foster father. Perry… that was his name. Perry was the king of losers, un-appreciated in life in every way. He couldn’t have kids, he wasn’t at all attractive and he was like most child molesters, a very insecure man.

From her first day in their home he wasted no time violating her. He liked to spoon with her and hold her after he forced himself on her. Sometimes he’d cry; sometimes he’d tell her and planned to marry her, most times he complained about her foster mother, his wife; he would even tell her that he would kill himself is she ever ran away and tried to leave him. The, at the time, 11 year old Shiloh was more confused than saddened. She was able to deal with the sex, but she understood very well that she did not love this man at all. She never wanted him to do to her what he did, but it just worried her that he wanted to talk to her. She never ever responded to him; most of the time she’d lay there and daydream about the mother that left her in the hospital. She’d plot out her revenge, and play out the creative ways to bring about her demise. She’d murdered the faceless figure in her daydreams 472 times. Then her attention shifted from murder plots of her mother, to murder suicide thoughts of her foster family, to just plain suicide. She’d just tune him out, suffer the raft of his heaving thrusts once more before he would go away and re-join his wife in bed. Mrs. Harper slept, peacefully, through all of Shiloh’s torture. When Shiloh confronted her about it years later she, claimed to know nothing about the abuse.

Shiloh knew he raped the boys too, but she knew they’d never confirm it. She often wondered what he said to them and how they were able to mask it so well; a down-low battle within himself that he unfortunately played out at the sufferings of the foster children. Her theory proved itself true on May 22, 1994. Perry attacked her and violently forced his manhood into her anus. The body temperature blood shot out of her like a shaken canned soda that had just been opened. He had already prepared himself for her scream as he clasped his hand firmly over her mouth. The eruption seemed to turn him on more and he brutally slammed himself into her 120lbs body repeatedly. The pain unbearable, she cried and shrieked and tried to get away as she lay helpless on her stomach. His un-resentful grip continued in pain, blood and agony for another six minutes. His climax seemed to be more intense than any other on this day. He clenched his teeth down in her right shoulder in an effort to mute his hellish growl. His teeth cut into her flesh and she again tried to remove herself from his grip but was unable to do so. She laid there crying and angry and humming through his hands to please stop. This must have caught his attention and he quickly removed his teeth from her and also his hand but his throbbing and now shrinking erection was still inside of her anal cavity. He looked at her with repenting and remorseful eyes and he slowly pulled his body away from hers. His stiff penis now saturated with a sludge of fesses and blood.

The motionless body of the now 14 year old Shiloh, lay there only confirmed still alive by the hint of a whimper now being smothered out as she buried her face into the pillow along with her sorrow, grief and questions of why me. Still in shock of his actions and now hers, Perry tries to connect to her. In his mind, she was his lover and had been for years why would she be saddened by tonight? He whispers “I just wanted to change it up a little bit babylove, you know try something new. I thought you were getting bored with me. I’m sorry babylove…” He reaches out to touch her but he’s stopped by the vision the light from the moon is now providing of the trail of blood that is seeping from under her and the splatter pattern left on the wall, and all over his chest and waist.

He jumped up in frenzy with and spat a bunch of I’m sorrys, ran downstairs and hurried to clean his body. He threw on a clean shirt and some pants no underwear. He darted down the stairs to the basement, carrying with him the evidence of his actions, including the sheets from Shiloh’s blood-soaked bed.  All the while he was being careful to not wake his wife. He came back up the stairs to find Shiloh entertaining her bloody body in the same panicked manner as she fights thru her pain. She had her mop bucket, already prepared with water and a wash rag to clean up with as she always did after their encounters. She could barely walk and was still crying silently. She lost her footing and fell to the floor. Afraid his wife, sleeping just below the finished attic bedroom, might have heard the fall, he shushed her in the midnight silence. He then grabbed her and sneakingly took her to the hospital. He backed the car from the driveway with no head lights on and drove off. He had driven almost the whole block before he remembered to turn them on.

On the way to the hospital, he just kept telling her that she needed not to worry about what happened today. He concocted a story for her to tell the nurses about her running away and being attacked and this is the way he found her when she got back. He told her to tell the hospital staff that she ran up to the first car she saw and he was just a by-stander driving by. He had then planned to go home to his wife and would pretend to have no whereabouts to what happened when the staff called him and his wife. A call that was never going to come in. He pulled up in the front of the hospital and rushed her from the car. He stopped her just as she got out and said “I forgive you… you know, for starting your menstrual last month. I know you only did it because you want us to have a baby. But now is not the right time. You don’t need to worry about what happened tonight, you will get used to the other way. We’ll continue to do it this way until we are both ready for our baby. Okay?” She looked at him eyes still filled with tears and nodded. She got out and saw him patting away at the blood spatter left on the leather seat of his Cadillac CTS. She reached to close the door and he rushed her off just go just go I got it. He pulled off and the friction of the wind closed the door enough. Apparently he had chickened out, and decided not to accompany her inside. Shiloh stood in the cold and watched as his tail lights disappeared down the ramp.

Her walk through the ER doors was slow and methodic, each stepped confronted in pain that seemed to not let up. On that walk, her mind was made up to never be a victim again, and by the time the automated doors opened, her tears were gone. Shiloh was gone… forever.

She shifted her bruised body towards the counter where the receptionist was aggressively typing out a parking memo and she became instantly agitated by Shiloh’s presence. Before the battered teen could let out a sentence, the white trash receptionist lifted a dried out hand then extended one finger toward the ceiling light missing one bulb above. Shiloh’s reflexes made her glance up at them, and then her focus was drawn to the chipped red paint on her nails. “One minute please” and she pointed, never even lifting her face from her computer screen. Then she pointed to a stacked of wrestled up papers that had fallen over on the counter top. “Please fill out an intake form, the Dr will see you shortly”. Her attention still diverted to the monitor, she was now no longer with Shiloh.

Shiloh turned towards the sloppy stacked and was greeted with the look of disgust that was on some of the lobby room patience. It confirmed her suspicions that the small tickle she’d felt earlier was now revealing to the hospital guest of her injury. Just and she had that epiphany moment, she felt the thick trail of blood break away from its dried place on her skin and escape its way down her leg like a run in cheap pantyhose.

She beaconed up the courage to face the room of uncomfortable guests and took a seat. She looked over the intake form in panic, she was under age and knew that the slightest hint to anyone of who she really was, meant going to juvenile or heading into another group home.  So she decided to use the name that no one could possibly ever track back to her. The name of her biological mother, the one who had left her in the hospital the day she was born.

By now the crimson colored stain had escaped the back of her leg, down past her ankle and flip flop shoes. It now created a crescent shaped puddle on the linoleum floor around the back of her right foot. Troubled still by the stares and whispers, she decided to go into the restroom. Again, her walk was slow and tenacious, she didn’t need to use it, and she just wanted the gossiping eyes off of her.

Upon returning to the lobby, she decided to stand against the wall at the back of the room that was nearest the restroom. She witnessed a guest warning someone against sitting in the seat she’d just left because of the blood. She watched the irritated over middle aged man shake his head in disgust and struggle his limp over to another seat.

Leaning her back against the wall, Shiloh escaped the day’s tragedy with one of her favorite pass time activities, picturing herself murdering the woman who had abandoned her. She wondered if she had siblings and if this woman had done this to another child in another part of the city. She wondered still, what she looked like and how disfigured her face would be after she’d doused it with battery acid. Then she thought that would be too easy of a disfigurement and people might feel sorry for her. She thought, “Maybe I’ll befriend her and poison her slowly each day.

This last event was enough to proclaim that she was never going to be the victim again. She walked out of that hospital a new being… with a torn rectum and a permanent bite mark tattoo on her right shoulder.