The Exam

The wounded Shiloh walks past the seated people’s waiting room in the ER. The nurse’s aide is so busy typing away and processing sheets she doesn’t even notice that Shiloh appeared at the counter of her nurse’s station. Her typing was rhythmatic, like she’d fills out the sheets so many times before that she didn’t even need any practice and made no mistakes.

Are you going to help me or are you going to continue to pretend you don’t know I am standing here, Shiloh thought but never said. Instead she cleared her throat and spoke softly “I need to see a doctor”… the nurse didn’t seem startled which confirmed Shiloh’s first thought that the woman knew she was there all along. The nurse raised one hand from the keyboard, never looking away from her computer screen, and pointed with her now free hand towards the clipboard and papers and said “You need to fill out and entrance form and someone will be with you shortly”. Shiloh lowered her eyes, walked over to the clipboard and turned around. Seeing the looks of shock, confusion and disgust from some of the guests, coupled with the minstrel type aches beaconing from her rear end, reminded her that she was still bleeding. The thin trail that had led to the back of her leg had now grown into a thick sticky trail. She stood and never did take a seat as she filled out her paperwork. She left the address blank and made up a fake social security number as she was unsure of her own. Date of birth, she figured she’d better say she was at least 18 or they might ask for a parent to accompany her. Since her wicked foster father had abandoned her at the hospital to save his own ass, she was free to do as she pleased. The pain seemed to shoot from her ankle to her tailbone as she stood there. She left the medical history blank which later raised suspicion of the staff there later, as if they actually believed she was 18 years old anyway. The blood now seeping to her socks she could feel the puddle spread through the threads in a web pattern, she’d hope she could be seen by the doctor soon. Her mind drifted towards revenge on Perry and her other favorite pastime, thoughts of murdering the woman who birthed her.

“Denise Hill” the nurse scanned the ER for a familiar face, it seems she went to school with a Denise Hill and she was curious if this was the same one. Unsatisfied with any movement in the room, the nurse called out again “Denise Hill, the doctor will see you now”? Again she scanned the room looking for someone gathering their belongings to follow her through the heavy wooden door she had propped open with her left leg and her CROCs shoes. That’s when she saw a young lady standing by the wall; she seemed distracted, entertained by the small puddle that had now formed a semi-circle around the back of her shoe. The young lady was this and about 5’-8” tall for a woman. Her skin color was the shade of a perfectly made piece of toast. She had wiry hair that struggled to barely make a ponytail at the back of her head. Her hair was a reddish-brown color, the look of that which has been in the sun too much. Her big eyes lifted, and then quickly shifted away from the nurses as to not make total eye contact. Nurse Missy barely made out their almond shape and shade. Looking right at Shiloh, the nurse called out once more for Denise Hill, and the clumsy and startled Shiloh finally spoke “I’m... I’m here” and she moved slowly toward “Missy” as her badge read. Shiloh went to speak again, “Ah Miss…” she was interrupted, “The name is Melissa, but everyone calls me Nurse Missy”. Holding back more questions Shiloh spoke “Nurse Missy, I don’t have my ID on me, I accidently left it at home with my wallet”. “That’s alright honey, we can just bill you for the services to the address you provided us, but we can talk about that later”.

They started down the hallway decorated moderately with pale blue textured wallpaper and oak framed pictured of dully muted colored flowers. Nurse Missy asked, “Can you tell me what happened and why we will be seeing you today”? Nurse Missy was a bonafide DIVA, she was draped in gold jewelry that boasted her love for elephants and a necklace with her name written incursive. She was the shade of dark chocolate and her fine hair was jet black. Her nails were long and their tips were designed in Navy Blue and Gold accents to match her Nurses uniform. That paint also matched her toe-nails Shiloh was assured just by looking. Nurse Missy was strong and confident and it showed. A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart but something about her gave off that don’t cross me the wrong way or I will cut you kind of vibe. Snapped away from her obsession over her new friend, Shiloh repeated the story she concocted while in the waiting room. She was going to tell them that she had a cyst that busted, a story she’s overhear another patient telling the nurse at the counter. Shiloh didn’t know what a cyst was and where it was, but she saw the lady sitting down really slow and carefully so she assumed it to be the anal area.

She repeated the thought “I had a cyst burst and it’s pretty bad I’m bleeding a lot back there”. “Back where”? Missy asked with a, you better not be talking about where I think you’re talking about look on her face. Shiloh motioned over her shoulder, and still in disbelief Missy asked, “On your back”. Shiloh shook her head and then turned away. Nurse Missy took in some air and shook her head in the same manner and continued on with the usual questions. She weighed her, took her height and asked the date of her last period before returning to questions about the injury. “How long have you been bleeding”? She asked. And after trying to filter through the obvious lies Shiloh had tried to feed her she fell silent. The only thing speaking were her sympathetic eyes and the perfume she wore. It wrapped around Shiloh’s body, making her feel warm and even though she hadn’t been touched, she felt the hug that she so desperately needed. Uncomfortable with the silence in the room she looks back at Nurse Missy and sees that she is now fighting back tears.

“Your name isn’t Denise at all is it”? Nurse Missy whispered, “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me” she followed. More moments of silence were broken when she spoke again “Listen, there is no need for you to tell lies or be afraid, whoever hurt is the one in trouble, not you, you did nothing wrong”. Shiloh passed and exhaled an exhausting sigh of relief, face flushed and lids full of tears racing a maze searching for the exit sign, she struggled past the lump in her throat and said “Look, I’m not here for you sympathy okay, I am going to take care of the person that did this. Can you please just get me to a doctor? The sooner I leave here, the sooner I can put this all behind me. I ain’t never going back to that place so just forget about that”. Missy stood, still in her own haze of thoughts and wiped away at a stray tear on the loose down her cheek. She spoke, “Okay, I will get the doctor for you, but I’m telling you now he’ll have to examine the after area to search for torn tissue. Okay”? Shiloh nodded. The nurse stepped towards the door as if she was about to fetch the doctor and her paced slowed as it had hit her as to whom she was now standing in the room with. She rested her hand on the door knob, back till towards her under-aged and injured patient she said “Your name, I mean your real name, its Shiloh isn’t it”?

How could she… “How did you know my name, who are you, did they call and tell you, look I just want to see the d”… Shiloh stopped back tracking where she could have made a mistake that gave it away when Missy interrupted, “No chile, your eyes told me who you were. They’re the same eyes that came out the womb wide open and big and bright just like they are now… the day you were born”… she sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at the door she was still facing… “I’m the one who named you chile, after the hospital you were born in”. With her heart buried in her hand and her face to her chest she said, “I’ll go and get the doctor and bring him in. Get undressed from the waist down and cover yourself with the disposable blanket there”. She sniffed and pushed her way out the door, Shiloh figured that by now Missy was teary eyed mess like she was and neither of them could bear the other seeing them that way.

Upon her discharge, she was bandaged, given a few stitches to her scrotum and numbed with pain meds in the affected area. She was give pain meds for her injuries and the address was changed in the system to one she hadn’t recognized but pretended she had. She was also prompted to follow up with Detective Hines and Delphine Baldwin-Casey of the Victims of Crimes Unit and the battered women’s shelter. Even though she hadn’t admitted to the rape, it was obvious she’d been attacked and violently. So that was the remedy, stitches and vicotin and a cortisone shot and she was ready for dismissal. A new set of tears began to form in her lids as she read the letterhead on top of her discharge papers, somehow she’d missed it on her way in. Now she was filled with a new pain and it was accompanied by void and emptiness all over again, it read “Shiloh Medical Centre and Emergency Care”. She was now leaving the place she was born in. Suddenly she wanted Nurse Missy again as her thoughts were yanked back to the conversation they never got to finish earlier. She had tons of questions. She needed the nurse’s comfort and warmth, her confidence and strength. She balled up the discharge papers and left the hospital in haste.

As she approached the circular driveway, she sees Perry’s blue Cadillac DTS approaching and making its way up the circular ramp when she exited the ER doors. She hears the familiar squeal of the brake pads that need replacing. Outraged, she scans her surrounding for something to throw, something to protect herself, but she’d hoped for something big enough that she’d kill him. Feeling the strength of Nurse Missy arise in her spirit, coupled with the rage she now feels about what she’d learned about the day of her birth, she had gotten to her wicks end. Her heart starts to beat fast as she scans the landscape for something big enough to make some serious impact. Her heart starts to beat fast and she can already feel herself losing the strength she’d owned just minutes ago as anxiety begins to take over. The power in her legs weakens as she tries to pick up the pace, her leg muscles numb and not co-operating. She crossed directly in front of his car hoping he would hot her with it and take her out of her misery. Or at best he would miss her with the car, and give her a clear shot to his face. She bends down to pick up a rock from the landscaping and is confronted with the pain as she tries to stand. She hears his automatic window begin to roll down and she grips the rock harder with anticipation, only now the muscles in her arms lose all of their oxygen and not the rock feels like a paper weight. Anxiety’s wrath has joined the party of her arms that are now shaking and feel like they weight only ounces. Her trembling body drops the rock as she hears a friendly female voice call for her “Shiloh, I relieved myself from my shift for the day, I’m going to take you home”. She turns to see Missy shining and almost glowing in the midnight air. Her blue Cadillac was shining too. The license plate proudly spoke of her independence, “IGT MYOWN”. She spoke, “Besides, I feel like we got a few things we need to talk about”. Shiloh never responded or agreed; she just rushed towards the car and got in with the haste of a shop lifter. I think she feared that the next car might truly be Perry. When she got it, her contagious haste was impressed upon Missy and she pulled off in that same manner. As they drove away, Shiloh’s heart beat began to slow and the further they got away from the hospital, the closer it got to its normal pace. She felt, for the first time in her life, safe…